


Apple Pie

by deanisbiandsoami



Series: Why? JUst why did I come up with this? [23]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bit of Fluff, Castiel is amazing, Character Death, Depression, Hurt Dean, I don't know how to tag and I don't have much time, M/M, Sad, Sorry these tags don't describe this well, That's it, as always, no more tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 13:49:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4921978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanisbiandsoami/pseuds/deanisbiandsoami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel comes home to a rather unusual sight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apple Pie

Cas had never really understood the extent of Dean's love for pie. He assumed it was all because of the rich sweetness of the soft filling with the hearty crunch of the pastry, because of the endless possibilities and variations of fillings it could hold. He never thought it was any deeper than Dean's desire to have as much flavours as possible in one dish. 

"Dean?" Cas called, entering their apartment after a long day of classes and after that even more hours grading papers. He smiled as the familiar scent of apple flavoured pie filling hit his nose. He walked into the kitchen, his heart clenching together painfully. Dean was sitting on the floor, shaken by sobs, his elbows on his knees and hands fisted in his hair. Cas dropped his bag and knelt down next to him. 

"Dean!" He called, trying to get Dean to look at him. "Baby, what's wrong?" He asked, putting his hand to his cheek. Cas had never seen Dean cry like this. In fact, he'd never seen Dean cry at all… only of happiness at their own and Sam's wedding. 

"Talk to me, please." Cas said, moving closer to Dean so he could look at him properly. Finally, Dean met his eyes. He'd never seen so much pain in anyone's eyes. 

"My mother died." Dean whispered, a new row of sobs breaking loose as if saying it out loud made it real. 

"Fuck." Cas said. Dean smiled through his tears. 

"You don't swear." He said. Cas smiled. 

"I think it's appropriate right now." He said. Dean nodded, the smile fading again. Cas pulled him into his arms, pressing a kiss to his neck. 

"I'm here, my love." He mumbled. Dean held onto him, his hands fisting into the fabric of Cas' shirt, pulling him in closer. 

 

"What happened to the pie?" Cas asked when Dean had calmed down enough to stand up. He shrugged.

"I had to do something." Dean said. "It's what she always did." 

"What do you mean?" Cas asked.

"I got the call from the hospital a few minutes after you left, as I was about to go to work… I couldn't believe it… I can't- I mean she's been sick, really sick for a long time… Dad said she didn't want me to worry so they didn't tell me. Sam was already here. Dad brought me the letter she wrote in the hospital. She still had hope to recover but she didn't-" Dean looked at Cas. "She didn't want me to slide back into depression if I worried about her too much." Cas frowned. 

"What do you mean?" He asked again. Dean took his hand and pulled him to the couch. 

"Before I met you… ever since high school- I was in love back then and she died, I didn't cope like at all. I harmed myself and I barely left my room or ate… I weighed roughly the same as Charlie right now. I wanted to die and my parents had taken everything out of my room that I could've used to harm myself and they blocked the window. So I tried to starve myself. And like when I was little and upset about a fight I had with Sam or a friend. My mother would come into my room and ask if I wanted to help her make apple pie. It always worked when I was a kid. I'd taste the sweet filling and I'd do the crosshatch and all my worries went away." Dean shook his head. "Back then… I only got out of it after mom started talking to me whether I listened or not. She started making my favourite pie and she'd bring it up. I still remember what she said when I could barely sit up. She could always talk me into eating a bite and then over time it became a piece and then I went downstairs for dinner." Dean looked up at Cas. 

"She saved my life. And she's the only reason I lived for years. I didn't want to make her sad. That was the only reason I got up. And now she's gone and I don't know what else to do… because I can't go back to that dark place… I can't do that to you, but I also can't go on like nothing's happened. So I started making her favourite. But I just kept crying and my hands started shaking…" 

"Do you want me to help you?" Cas asked. Dean smiled. 

"You already are helping me." Dean said, squeezing Cas' hand. "All you have to do is be here. Just stay here." Dean said and moved in to press his face into his chest, pressing close as he let the tears fall. Castiel held him until Dean fell asleep in his arms.

 

It hurt him to see Dean so broken. He took the next few days off to drive home for the wake and funeral. Castiel stayed at his side, letting Dean lean on him whenever he needed to. 

"Dean, I'm so sorry." John said as they arrived in his childhood home. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dean asked. 

"You got the letter-" His father started. 

"That was her reason." Dean said. "You and Sammy, you should've told me." 

"And disrespect her literal last wish?" John asked. 

"And let me say goodbye to my mother." Dean said. "Because now she's just gone and I'm never gonna be able to say goodbye." 

"Son, I'm so sorry. I know how important she was to you but I couldn't-" John's voice broke. "I couldn't deny her that. I couldn't deny her to protect her son for a last time." Dean clenched his jaw but nodded. 

"I just want her back." Dean said.  
"I know, son." John said, pulling Dean into a hug. "I know." He whispered. Dean pressed his father close.

 

Castiel frowned as he saw Dean take one of the leftover roses to throw into the grave and walk further along the graves. He followed him until Dean stopped in front of an older gravestone. 

"Hey." Dean said, kneeling down and placing the rose carefully on the grass in front of the stone. "I've missed you a lot." He said. "Shit, I was gonna propose, Lisa, already had the ring. I never told anyone but mom. God, I'd have been in this town forever, raising our kids… I wish we could've gotten a chance to raise our kid." Castiel moved a bit closer to Dean but then stopped at he glanced at the gravestone. 'Lisa Braeden and her unborn son Ben' He covered his hand with his mouth, no wonder her death tore Dean apart like that. To lose not only a loved one but a child with her, his whole future. 

"I'm sorry I don't visit you two." Dean whispered. "Just know that I didn't forget you. I think about you every day." Dean reached out to stroke over the letters spelling out 'Ben' "I wish I'd gotten to know you… I wish I'd known about you when your tiny heart was still beating." Castiel knelt down next to Dean, putting his hand down gently on his shoulder.

"How did they die?" He asked. Dean looked at him. 

"Car accident." Dean said. "Lisa was driving… I think she'd just found out about the- about Ben and she was upset… she ran a red light and her car was hit. She died instantly. I know her… I knew her. She thought I'd run, she thought I wouldn't have stayed with her had I known that I got her pregnant… I can't- I blamed myself for her death for so long." Castiel pulled him against his chest.

"It's all okay." He whispered. "I know it sucks and I can't imagine what that loss felt like but it's all gonna be okay. I'm here for you." Dean nodded against his neck. 

"Thank you." He whispered. Castiel held him tight for a few moments before pulling him up. 

"You're gonna catch a cold." He whispered. Dean put his arms around Cas' waist. 

"I don't know what I'd do without you." He whispered. Castiel closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to Dean's temple. 

"You don't have to. I'll be here for as long as you'll have me." Castiel promised. Dean looked up at him.

"I love you." He said. Castiel smiled and kissed him briefly. 

"I love you too." Hr answered.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I apologize for hurting Dean.
> 
> (Kudos are very appreciated and no comment will go unread)


End file.
